To my utter dismay, yesterday Californians somehow managed to take a step backwards in the fight to providing equal rights for its citizens, that being the passing of Proposition 8 taking away the rights of gays and lesbians to be married. While I prefer to keep this blog largely unpolitical because there are plenty of political blogs that you can go to get all hot and bothered and discuss the issues at hand, I think that this is one issue that is very much “unbride”. One thing about the whole definition (as I’ve defined it anyway) of the unbride is that it spans the non-traditional and that includes gay and lesbian “brides”.
I’m only comforted by the fact that as the younger generation, we are much more forward thinking and enjoying all of the improvements in this country that our parents and our grandparents have fought for. It was my mother and her buddies and a whole generation of Americans in the 60’s who marched for the civil rights of black Americans and now I’m overjoyed to see that we have elected a black man as the President of the US. No matter who you stood behind or voted for, it shows that we’ve come a long way as a country.
But now I fear that we are just oppressing yet another group of Americans by trying to protect an idea that doesn’t need protection…that being marriage or as some put it “traditional marriage”…all for the fear that schools will have to address marriage and therefore teach children about…gasp…gays! It just doesn’t make sense to me. I know it makes sense to many of you who are religious and think of marriage as being a religious institution and now I understand that to many people the true meaning falls within that religious union. However, marriage as a secular and legal union (the actual marriage license that is issued by state) is just so, sanctioned by the state and therefore (I believe) should not discriminate between who is allowed to get married and who isn’t. It is up to each of us to decide exactly how we want to celebrate that marriage, whether it be in a church, temple, synagogue, historic house 
, museum, backyard etc etc etc.
So I’m interested to hear…are there any unbrides out there who are against gay marriage? I would assume that most of you would have no problem including our gay and lesbian unbride “sisters”…but I’m interested to know if I’m right. What do you think?
kelly Says:
I feel so bittersweet today. I was excited about the presidential election only to be utterly disappointed by prop 8 passing. My wife and I got married a little over a month ago and planned on going to CA to get legally married. We felt for sure that prop 8 would not pass. But it did and I feel so crestfallen. I felt like we had come so far. I just don’t understand.
I know we have a long way to go. Alabama just allowed interracial marriage in 1999. I just…I don’t know. I had high hopes.
November 6th, 2008 at 2:28 am
Sara Says:
I am shocked that it passed. I grew up in Indiana and California has such a liberal rep, if we can’t set a good example for the rest of the country who will? Very disappointing.
November 6th, 2008 at 2:37 am
Sarah :: Wedding Hub Event Planning Says:
AZ also passed prop 102. I can’t figure it out – no to gay marriage but yes to assisted suicide?
November 6th, 2008 at 2:47 am
Ashley Says:
I, too, was shocked and somewhat intrigued that Prop 8 passed in California. I thought if any state would stand by the decision to allow same-sex marriage, it would be California. While I, personally, am heterosexual, I believe that I have no right to judge another person based on whom he or she loves.
My reason to reply, however, is that I feel as if your attitude toward those who view marriage as religious institution are just as unfounded and emotional as the people who believe that gays and lesbians have no right to marry or even love one another.
I am a Christian, and the marriage I am preparing to enter into is a Christian covenant for my fiancé and I. For us, marriage is absolutely a Christian institution. Even if marriage ceased to be a legal institution, it would remain a Christian one for us. The church does not have to be a part of every wedding or every marriage, but my fiancé and I have chosen to make it a part of ours.
I am a Christian who believes that above all else, God loves people, not because of what they’ve done or haven’t done, who they love and who they marry. I cannot determine the state of another’s soul, nor would I ever want that responsibility.
I suppose my point in all of this is to ask those who read to consider where in your life you make judgments similar to the ones expressed in California, Arizona and Florida yesterday.
November 6th, 2008 at 3:04 am
Justine Says:
Thank you everyone for your very thoughtful comments so far. Ashley, I really did take yours to heart and had to re-read and adjust my statement about the religious factor. I didn’t mean for it to come across the way it did, I simply mean to express that in my opinion, a government granted civil liberty should not be decided based on religious implications. That’s all, but thank you for reminding me that the emotions run deep on both sides and that we can all learn a little something from each other if we just listen…
November 6th, 2008 at 3:20 am
Starry-Eyed Barefoot Bride Says:
I live in Florida and while disappointed, I wasn’t too surprised that amendment 2 passed here; but I was shocked to see that Prop 8 passes in Cali. This election was a major victory for civil rights for people of color, but a backhanded slap to civil rights for sexual minorities. My heart breaks for those who have been married in the past 5 months who now are going to be in a court battle to see if its still considered legal; and my heart aches for those who weren’t yet married, but want to be, and aren’t yet aloud. I am a Christian heterosexual bride to be (err – unbride!) but it doesn’t mean that I think anyone else should be denied that right. I’m actually moving to Cali in January. Next time its on the ballot, there will be one more vote for civil equality.
November 6th, 2008 at 3:28 am
Joanna Says:
Today was a bittersweet day…yes, I was thrilled that Obama won. However as a voter in California I was TOTALLY SADDENED by the results of prop 8. I’m getting to marry the man of my dreams next summer and I’m so sad that a group of people won’t get to do the same. I also live near the Castro in San Francisco – you know what those guys were doing? Running around in the streets celebrating for Obama. I even had one guy say “I knew it was a long shot but we’ll keep fighting it!”, he said it all.
November 6th, 2008 at 6:40 am
megan Says:
I marched by BUTT OFF in protest of Prop 8 tonight. I am sickened and saddened by my state and the hateful people who dwell in it.
But i have to say the protest tonight was full of hope. Good and decent Californians are NOT going to take this lying down!!!
November 6th, 2008 at 8:41 am
Emily Says:
One step foward and two steps back. But that is the way it has always seemed when a minority goes against the majority. i am truely heart broken for gay californians. But after last nights election who knows, in 50 year we could have a gay president.
November 6th, 2008 at 5:10 pm
Identity Kitchen Says:
Thank you so much for writing about this, Justine. Wednesday held such a mixed bag of emotions, one giant leap forward for overcoming racial prejudices everywhere, and one gigantic step backward for civil rights for sexual minorities. I thought California was a live and let live state, and was so devastated by the passing of Prop 8. Californian’s are just going to have to fight harder. There is a rally this afternoon at the Mormon Temple in Los Angeles today (Nov 6th) at 2pm. I think UnBrides everywhere need to unite for the right to marry, it is inalienable and is worth fighting for!!!
November 6th, 2008 at 6:57 pm
Bridechka Says:
One steps forward and two steps back is right, I was in shock and dismay when I heard that prop 8 as well as the AZ provisions had passed. It is truly a disgrace.
November 7th, 2008 at 4:03 pm
Asha Says:
As a born-and-raised Californian now living in Canada (where marriage laws are completely different), I have to say that the passing of Prop 8 has made me very sad. As a good and wise friend pointed out, this passed by a MUCH smaller margin than the previous vote in Calfornia. Some things have to happen in small steps. It brings me to an interesting question that I don’t think is asked often enough:
What is marriage?
There are so many facets of this question, but I’ll keep it in the secular realm for a moment. I’ve heard many people who are against same-sex marriage say that they would be quite happy with allowing same-sex couples the same rights as heterosexual ones when it comes to medical, legal, and financial matters. But they don’t want to call it marriage.
In an age where we are quoted a divorce rate of 50% (scares me sometimes as an engaged gal), what does marriage really mean anymore? And why is it something that can be so easily dissolved and easily denied to a group of people?
Now I know this isn’t as easy as what I’ve typed. There are most certainly religious beliefs that should be respected, as well as situations where divorce is honestly the best possible option. But I think that we should all, especially the UNbrides out there, ask ourselves what we honest and truly think marriage is.
Then maybe we can help find a way to make it available to all who seek it.
November 8th, 2008 at 5:16 am
diana adams Says:
yes, the country was shocked by this. i really enjoyed reading the comments by your readers. a big blemish on an otherwise fantastic election for the u.s.!
November 8th, 2008 at 1:22 pm
Latrice Says:
I don’t feel that its two steps back at all. I also do not believe in gay marriage. The country is always adjusting to the mainstream and at least for now it is thankfully holding onto some sort of tradition.
November 17th, 2008 at 8:21 pm